Saturday, June 23, 2012

Things that make Men UNDATEABLE...

Okay I know I'm not the end all be all of male fashion, I mean hell, I went to Walmart the other day in pajama bottoms & a shirt from 7th grade that says "Johnny" on it in big bold letters, BUT.... there are just some things that I see men do that just make them completely undateable, or things that people NEED to avoid.... This list could go on and on, but I'm really only targeting the chief offenders..... so here we go....

1. cell phone clipped to belt of pants.- like.... did cell phones just come out?! cause you look SUPER important with that clunky go-phone attached to the waist of those wrangler jeans.. You would think that this doesn't happen anymore..but, I JUST SAW IT YESTERDAY... take that phone off your hip, and put it in your pocket like a normal person... thanks..

2. ed hardy/affliction t shirts.- yall, these overly designed, sometimes sparkly, t shirts are obscene. It instantly can take the cutest guy and turn them into the biggest tool at the bar. I can't tell you how many times I've heard girls rag on guys wearing these brands..... Keep it simple boys, all those designs make you look like Moroccan street performers... just a cute simple plain v neck never hurt anybody....

3. overly muscled.- this is even more unappealing when the person is short... yikes, it looks like these men got caught into a trash compactor, little walking boxes/tanks. If you look as wide as you are tall... ABORT MISSION. Also, yes muscles are hot, but too many are terrifying, and guys can start to either look like cartoons, or scary villains from a Lifetime original movie.

4. Mullets.- Okay, I know these are a little more prevalent down where I'm from in the south, but it is still a national epidemic..... Did someone lie to these mullet-ed men TELL THEM that mullets make them look educated, wealthy, and intensely intelligent??? Well, the were lied too... and are SORELY MISTAKEN. Cut those mullets boys, like honestly its 2012... and there is NO place for mullets in this year, country, century, planet... let it go... "business in the front" but NO MORE party in the back please?!?!?!

5. overly tanned/teeth WAY to white.- If your teeth look radioactive, or look like a freshly cracked glow stick, it might be time to put down the white strips. Even worse if the person tans... the teeth become even WHITER by comparison, it can be both distracting, and terrifying. Its nice when guys have a nice white smile, but teeth should not produce their own light........

6. t shirts tucked into khaki's-. Why the hell would you tuck a fishing t shirt into your pants with a belt... this is not "dressing up"... the pants are usually pleated, and pleats in themselves make someone undateable.... Also, there should be a good midpoint of where pants should correctly fall on mans hips... not up to your nips, and not hanging off your bum, healthy balance.......

there are many more.... but keep your eyes peeled for these flagrant mistakes.....

love ya..

johnny

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